急求适合中学生的英语笑话

Question

要5则以内即可；要有中文翻译；一定要易懂、好笑！！~~~~~

Answer 1

英语笑话（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。

英语笑话（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

英语笑话（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

忠告“年轻者”

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

英语笑话（八）Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."

My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"

哪一位女人？

一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”

我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”

英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs

"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

医生住在楼下

“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。

“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”

他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”

英语笑话（十）One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

只剩一个引擎

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”

Answer 2

　　Psychic Mailman Needed
　　There was an idiotic guy who wrote a letter and put
　　a stamp on it and everything. Outside the envelope
　　he wrote, "To my Brother, the Engineer in Saigon."
　　When his friend looked at the envelope, he said,
　　"My God, why did you address the envelope like that!
　　How will anyone be able to find your brother?"
　　So the first guy said, "You idiot, I only have one
　　brother who's an engineer!

　　邮差也要超能力

　　有个傻瓜写了封信，他贴好邮票后，便在信封上写着：
　　「给我的哥哥--西贡的工程师。」他朋友看到了就说：
　　「天啊！你这样写，邮差怎么找得到你哥哥？」
　　傻瓜回答：「你真笨！我只有一个当工程师的哥哥啊！」

　　这里有很多：http://www.yingyuxiaohua.net.cn/

　　Two psychiatrists were at a convention. “What was your most difficult case?” one asked the other.

　　“Once I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world,” replied his colleague. “He believed that a wildly rich uncle in South America was going to leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a make�believe letter to arrive from a fictitious attorney. He never went out or did anything. He just sat around and waited.”

　　“What was the result?”

　　“It was an eight�year struggle, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived...”

　　两个精神病专家在一次会议上碰见了。其中一个问另一个：“你最棘手的病例是什么样的?”
　　“我曾有过一个病人，他生活在一个纯幻想的世界里，”他的同行回答。“他坚信南美有个大富翁叔叔要留给他一笔遗产。他整天等待着从一个虚构的律师那儿收到证实信。他从不出门，无所事事，只是坐着干等。”
　　“结果如何?”
　　“经过长达8年的努力，我终于把他给治好了。可就在那时，那封荒唐的信到了……”

　　A Very Polite Policeman

　　There was a man who repaired typewriters,
　　and one day he was called into a building to
　　do a repair. So he went there, but when he
　　looked for a parking space, he couldn't find one.
　　In the big city sometimes it's difficult to find a
　　parking space. So he parked in a no parking
　　zone and put a note on the windshield of his
　　car that said, "I'm Joseph Goldsmith,
　　working inside the building" to let the police
　　know that he had to do some work. So when
　　he finished repairing the typewriter, he came
　　out and saw another note next to his note that
　　said, "I'm Jeremy Flagler, police officer,
　　working outside the building."
　　With the note was a ticket.

　　谦恭有礼的警察

　　有一个人从事打字机修理的工作。有一天，
　　有人请他到一栋大楼修理打字机，可是他到了
　　那里，却找不到停车位。在大城市里，有时候
　　很难找到停车位。他只好把车停在禁止停车的
　　地方，然后在车子的挡风玻璃上夹一张字条，
　　上面写着：「我是约塞夫．哥尔德史密斯，正
　　在大楼里工作。」他想让警察知道他是工作所
　　需、情非得已的。当他修好打字机，走出大楼，
　　却看到原先的字条旁边有另一张字条，上面写着：
　　「我是警察杰瑞米．弗列格勒，正在大楼外面工作！」
　　字条旁边附着一张罚单。

参考资料：http://www.yingyuxiaohua.net.cn/

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