Blowing the whistle on soccer揭足球的短
1 A French friend of mine got a big laugh at a dinner party recently with his account of the game of baseball: "Seven guys stand around in a field doing nothing while two of their teammates throw the ball back and forth."
我的一位法国朋友在最近的一次晚宴上说起棒球时哈哈大笑：“当两个队友在场上来回投球时，另外七个小伙子在边上站着无事可做。”
2 I understand – it's hard to get excited about a foreign sport if you didn't grow up with it. Now I'm colliding with this same cultural barrier. The World Cup soccer tournament begins on June 9 and I will have no clue what's going on out there on the "pitch". It seems a good time to blow the whistle on the so-called beautiful game.
我知道，如果一个人不是从小就接触某项外来的运动，他就很难对它感兴趣。现在我正遭遇同样的文化壁垒。6月9号世界杯足球赛就要开始了，而我对球员在“球场”上干些什么却一无所知。看起来这是给这个所谓的精彩赛事揭短的一次大好机会。
3 I have been watching soccer for years and all I can see on the field is 22 grown men in shorts running around madly trying to kick the ball and tripping over each other. I guess the object is to get the ball into the net (also known as the goal), but if it ever gets close it looks like an accident.
我看足球也有好几年了，我所看到的就是22个穿着短裤的成年人在场上疯狂地奔跑，力争踢到球，互相绊倒对方。我猜想他们的目的是要把球踢进网里（也叫球门），可是，如果不是碰巧的话， 球是很难靠近球门的。
4 What we have here, it would seem, is a game of chance.
看起来，我们现在谈论的是一项靠运气取胜的运动。
5 For an hour and a half, the field is a scene of sheer chaos as the ball sails back and forth and the fans hum some mournful tune reminiscent of "The Slaves' Chorus" from Nabucco. Neither team seems to be in control.
整整一个半小时，球场上一片混乱：球飞来飞去，球迷们在哼着一首悲伤的曲子，让人想起《纳布卡》里的“奴隶合唱团”。双方队员好像都失控了。
6 The scoring system says it all. Most finals are 0-0, 1-0 or 2-1, indicating that games tend to be stand-offs and it's a matter of luck to be ahead when time runs out. To put a good face on it, they call this tension or suspense.
记分法说明了一切：多数球赛都是以0–0、1–0或2–1结束，这意味着球赛结果倾向于平局，如果比赛结束时一方胜出了，那只是因为他们运气好。为了粉饰这种现象，他们称这样的比赛为“激烈”或“有悬念”。
7 Newcomers to soccer – mostly Americans – might wonder how many ways points can be scored. Besides kicking the ball it is permitted to whack it in mid-air with your head, which is not the best use of the cranium, as doctors will tell you.
足球新人——大多是美国人——或许不知道有多少种得分法。除了用脚踢球之外，在空中用头顶球也是允许的。可医生会告诉你，这可不是脑袋的最大用途。
8 To be honest, though, many goals are scored by the ball accidentally bouncing off random players who get in the way. The crowd loves these, especially when a defender's leg sends the ball – by chance, of course – into his own net.
老实说，很多进球是从某个无意中挡住球的球员身上反弹进球门的。观众喜欢这种进球，尤其是防守队员——当然是偶然地——把球送进了自家的网内。
9 Goals are the best illustration of the chance nature of this game. Ninety per cent of goal shots (known as "chances" or, in hopeless cases, "half chances", or in France, opportunités) are either blocked or are so far off course that they soar deep into the stands.
射门最好地说明了这种比赛的碰运气性质：90%的射门（被称为“机会”，或在无望的情况下，称为“半个机会”；在法国称为opportunités）或被挡住，或因为射得太偏球直接飞上了看台。
10 If the ball happens to be aimed about right and slips through the forest of hairy legs, it's sheer luck. The shooter, or "striker", then takes full credit for this accident, peels off his shirt and sprints around in circles as four or five fellow players jump on his back to try to stop him and get his shirt back on.
万一球碰巧瞄准了，穿过长满毛的队员的腿滑进球门，那纯粹是运气。射门的人，亦称“前锋”，会因为纯属偶然的进球而独揽所有的赞誉，他会脱掉球衣，绕着圈猛跑，四、五个队友会扑到他的背上阻止他，让他穿上球衣。
11 The chaos resumes, the humming in the stands starts up again, and the clock slowly ticks away toward 90 long minutes.
接着又恢复了混乱，看台上的观众又开始哼歌曲，而计时器则在滴答声中慢悠悠地走向漫长的90分钟的尽头。
12 Unlike baseball or basketball, precision ball-handling is not a top priority in soccer except perhaps for Thierry Henry and a couple of Brazilians. Let's face it, God never meant for most of us to control a ball with the feet while running at top speed.
足球与棒球或篮球不一样，对足球来说准确的控球并不是最重要的，蒂埃里·亨利和几个巴西球员例外。让我们面对事实吧：上帝从未想让我们大多数人在全速跑动时用脚来控制球。
13 Periodically a player gets an elbow in the face and goes down writhing. The clock stops while little men with black bags rush over and massage his phony-baloney injury, after which he jumps up good as new. The player who elbowed him gets something called a "yellow card", a mild reprimand.
时不时地会有球员脸上挨了一肘，躺在草地上痛苦地翻腾。这时会暂停计时，几个提着黑包的小个子男人会跑过来为假装受伤的球员按摩，然后他又活蹦乱跳地站起来。那位肘击他的球员会得到一张叫“黄牌”的东西：一种温和的惩戒。
14 How can you have a sport in which strategies and regulations are so obscure? Besides the mystery of "injury time", there is something called the "offside rule", which deems, roughly, that the striker cannot receive the ball unless at least two opposing players are ahead of him. Why not? This leaves everyone perplexed.
怎么会有战术和规则都如此模糊不清的运动呢？除了“伤停时间”之谜，还有那个被称为“越位”的规则，大概是指除非有两位对方球员在他的前头，否则前锋不能接队友的传球。为什么不能呢？这让所有的人都迷惑不解。
15 Not to worry – even professional commentators are at a loss for words. The BBC's voice of soccer, John Motson, notes that there is no "universal interpretation" of the offside rule. Imagine real football with no agreement on what "touchdown" means.
不必担心——即便是职业解说员也往往对此感到语塞。英国广播公司的足球名嘴约翰·莫特森认为对越位规则“不存在国际通用的解释”。想想真正的足球（即美国人的橄榄球——译注）对“持球触地”没有一致的解释会有什么后果吧。
16 Why does your typical soccer match seem so out of control? Simple. Only one referee is on the field, and he is responsible for keeping 22 hopped-up athletes in line. He allows no backtalk (for this, you get a "red card" and a shower) but most of the infractions – pushing, punching, tripping, kneeing, handballing – are committed when he isn't looking. But the fans see them, setting off more moans in the stands.
为何你们典型的足球比赛看上去如此失控呢？很简单，因为球场上只有一名裁判，他要负责管束22名极度兴奋的运动员。他不允许球员提出异议（否则就给球员一张“红牌”，让他冲个澡走人）。但是，大多数的犯规，如推人、出拳打人、使绊、用膝盖顶人、手球都是在他看不到的情况下进行的。可是球迷都看见了，于是引发了观众席上更多的抱怨。
17 The mystery remains why so many people flock to see this game. I must be missing something.
有一个谜一直解不开：为什么会有这么多人蜂拥前去观看这项比赛呢？我一定是漏掉了什么关键的东西。
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