英语作文修改

Question

请根据以下信息，介绍一位传奇人物
姓 名：Allan Stewart
国 籍：澳大利亚
出生日期：1915年3月7日
世界纪录：2006年获硕士学位时年龄最大
学习态度：挑战自我，永远为时不晚。
第一个学位：1936年获得
第二个学位：医学博士
第三个学位：80多岁时决定学习法律，2006年获得硕士学位。
第四个学位：2012年通过网络学习获得，善于合理安排学习时间，受到老师表扬。
*硕士学位：master’s degree; **博士：doctor
An Australian, whose name is Allan Stewart born on March seventh 1915, has just been (1)bestowed the world record concerning the oldest person to get the master’s degree in 2006.
According to Allan‘s perspective, we know that his attitude of learning is(2) “it never should be late to challenge yourself”.
To prove what he say, Allen got his first degree in 1936 ,and soon after, get the second one (3)------ the medicine doctor.
At the age of about 80, （4）he had decided to study law, thus, he was given the master’s degree of law, which was his third one.
Just in 2012, he has obtained not only the last degree （5）by studied through the internet, but the praise from his teacher,for his hobbit of planning learning-time properly.

(1)bestow 这个词用的会不会很突兀

(2) 引号里面就是重新算一个句子了么
(3)考试可以这么用么，还是改成介词比较好
（4）这里的过去完成时用的对不对，还是只要是过去式就好了
（5）通过网络学习，这么写对吗

其他的语法错误或用词不当望指证谢谢！

Answer 1

An Australian, whose name is Allan Stewart born on March seventh 1915, [was] bestowed the world record concerning the oldest person to get [a] master’s degree in 2006.
"The" 用错了，2006 用past tense，改was使句子通畅

According to Allan‘s perspective, his attitude of learning is“[it is never too late to challenge yourself]”.
[we know that删去]....另外改写了後半句使句子通畅

To prove what he [had said], Allen got his first degree in 1936 ,and soon after, [got] the second one ----- the [Doctor of Medicine]
一言既出，时态须变 get==>got 保持时态一致 medicine doctor会产生歧义.(doctor有医生一解，改大写+of破之)

At the age [around] 80, he decided to study law. [At the same year,] he was given the master’s degree of law, which was his third one.
见4..

Just in 2012, he [had] obtained not only the last degree by [studying] through the internet, but [also] the praise from his teacher,for his [habit] of planning learning-time properly.
2012年十分遥远了，let the past to be the past吧..... 通过"网上学习"这是名词吧?studied =>studying
hobbit....LZ最近电影看多了

1. No problem
2. 可分可不分，但根据Lz的标点..不分
3. 没差
4. 80时~有明确时间，普通past tense可以了...另外断句改了而且前後没有因果关系(因为决定了所以学位到手了!?)，於是改了
5. 改了追问

the oldest person to get [a] master’s degree in 2006

可以 把oldest person 改成 most senior person 么？
old 和 senior什么时候可以互相替换？

by [studying] through the internet,

through 可以用via 替代吗？

around很少见到用，和about有什么区别？？
另外因为只能要求用五句话，所以这句可不可以改成 At the age [around] 80, he decided to study law as well as he was given the master’s degree of law, which was his third one.

追答

1. 不可以，根据韦氏字典 senior属一般"not used before a noun "的形容词，
如:She is five years senior to me.
但若是用在名词前，意思是"designed for older people老人专用"

如:a senior center, senior housing

2. via可以

3. 查了下韦氏字典about 和 around 在美语是通用的..

4. At the age about 80, he decided to study law and eventually earned his third degree, the master degree of law.