懂英语的帮忙改下语法错误!!

Question

这是口语课要上台讲的叙述性演讲，麻烦高手帮我改改语法错误。
Today,I’m going to tell you an ride experience I had some time ago.It was heart-stopping.
Two weeks ago,I and my little sister waited for buses together on the side of the road. We waited and waited for ages.Finally,the bus was coming,We shoved onto the bus with great effort. The seat on the bus already sat full person .We chatted as usual. As the weather was dull,rainy,and misty ,the car was being driven slowly . When the bus reach the crossroad,suddenly, a man rushed up and grabed the door aggressively.The driver had to stop and let him in. The man in khaki coat began to speak the bad language when he got on the bus. Not only that , he was just standing at the door and it open ! No matter how hard driver and conductor tried to persuade him, he just wouldn't listen! At first, the conductor persuade with patience.But the man not only wouldn't close the door but throw out the conductor’s ticket book. The conductor was irritated and condemned the man’s action. The man’s anger was sparked by the condemnation. He shook the door vehemently as if to tear down it.Many parts of the door was dropped.Everyone was terrified and no one ventured to stop it,for there are almost student on the bus. What is more,he snatched up an object and hitted the window forcefully.A girl sat beside the window was frightened into crying by his violence.Many students included my little sister also started to scream. The man roared very loudly said:”Be quiet”!I know I must acted bravely,or my little sister will more afraid.Fortunately,the window was rigidly ,the man couldn’t broke the window and so gave it up. Then,the man started to complain,said:”I had waited for more than an hour!Is this the kind of good survice you give to me?I happened to have a bad mood today!You hard luck!” The car kept moving . By this time , the man ordered the driver overtake the car in front. The driver listened to him and did as he said. After overtake,the man casted an object to that car. Our bus arrived at stoplight, the man ran toward that bus.The driver drove the bus off quickly.The conductor said,that bus was originally didn’t stop lift him before our car arrived crossroad! Everybady on our bus was guessing what the man would do to that bus!

Answer 1

Today,I’m going to tell you an ride experience I had some time ago.It was heart-stopping.
Two weeks ago,I and my little sister(My sister and I 英语习惯性把别人放前面) waited for buses together on the side of the road. We waited and waited for ages（for age表达的时间太长了，for a long time就可以了）.Finally,the bus was coming,We shoved onto the bus with great effort. The seat（seats） on the bus （have all been taken）.We chatted as usual. As the weather was dull,rainy and misty ,the car(bus) was being driven（用was going就可以了，表达没那么生硬） slowly . When the bus reach the(a) crossroad,suddenly, a man rushed up(turned up 出现， rush up冲上去，作为你是第一人称在车上，用rush up比较不适合) and grabed the door aggressively.The driver had to stop and let him in. The man in khaki coat began to speak bad languages when he got on the bus. Not only that , he was just standing at the door and had（让） it open ! No matter how hard the （特指）driver and the conductor tried to persuade him, he just wouldn't listen（listen 改为follow 听从）! At first, the conductor persuade with patience.But the man not only wouldn't（改为refused to拒绝，这样前后表达起来动词比较连贯） close the door but also throw out the conductor’s ticket book. The conductor was irritated and condemned the man’s action. The man’s anger was sparked by the condemnation. He shook the door vehemently as if to tear down it（it down 代词放中间）.Many parts of the door was （was去掉，不需要被动）dropped.Everyone was terrified and no one ventured to stop it,for there are almost student（students） on the bus. What is more,he snatched up an object and hitted the（a） window forcefully.A girl sat beside the window was frightened into crying by his violence.Many students included my little sister also（去掉） started to scream. The man roared very loudly said（去掉，roar本身就可以表达）:”Be quiet”!I know I must acted bravely,or my little sister will （加be）more afraid.Fortunately,the window was rigidly（rigid用形容词） ,the man couldn’t broke the window and so gave it up（gave up）. Then,the man started to complain,said（去掉）:”I had （have 直接引语不要过去完成）waited for more than an hour!Is this the kind of good survice you give to me?I happened to have a bad mood today!You （加are） hard luck!” The car kept moving . By this time , the man ordered the driver （加to）overtake the car in front. The driver listened to him and did as he said. After overtake（overtaking ）,the man casted（cast过去式还是cast） an object to that car. Our bus arrived at a stoplight, the man (got off the bus and补上，意思比较连贯)ran toward that bus.The driver drove the bus off quickly.The conductor said,that bus was originally（was orginally 去掉） didn’t stop （to）lift（改为take） him before our car（bus？） arrived （加the）crossroad! Everybady（Everybody） on our bus was guessing what the man would do to that bus!

请你自己注意下到底是car还是bus，我看到后面都糊涂了，超车的时候是car结果变成下车去追bus。
觉得可以的话，顶上去

Answer 2

Today,I’m going to share with you a bus ride experience I had some time ago.It was frightening.

Two weeks ago,my younger sister and I were waiting for a bus on a sidewalk. We waited for ages.Finally,the bus arrived. We boarded the bus after much effort. The seats on the bus were all filled up .We chatted as usual. As the weather condition was poor and visibility was low ,the bus driver drove slowly. Suddenly, at a crossroad, a man rushed up and grabbed the door aggressively.The driver had to stop and let him in. The man began to curse after he got on the bus. Then, the door opened with the man standing by it! He just wouldn't listen to them no matter how hard the driver and conductor tried to persuade him. At first, the conductor tried to be patient with him.But the man refused to close the door. He also threw the conductor’s ticket book out of the bus. The conductor was irritated and reprimanded him. The man got angry because of that. He shook the door vehemently as if he wanted to tear it down.Parts of the door fell off.Everyone was terrified. There was no one who dared to stop him as most of the passengers were students. He also snatched an object from someone and threw it at a window forcefully. A girl sitting beside the window was frightened and she started crying. Many students, included my younger sister also started to scream. The man roared,"Be quiet!" I knew that I must be brave lest my my sister be more afraid. Fortunately,the window was very firm and the man gave up after he couldn't break it. Then, he started to complain. "I've waited for more than an hour! Is this the kind of service that you claim is good? I happened to be in a bad mood today! It's your bad luck then !" The bus kept moving . The man then ordered the driver to overtake the bus in front of us. The driver obeyed. After that,the man threw an object at that bus. Our bus stopped and the man alighted. He then ran towards the other bus. The driver of our bus drove off quickly. Our bus conductor said that the other bus was the one that was before ours and failed to stop for that man to board! Everybody on our bus was guessing what the man would do to that bus!

注：
- 英语是没有"heart-stopping" 这个词的
- 你如果要用'I', 必须是'(someone) and I', 不可是'I and (someone)'
- 中文有'等了又等' , 但用英语表达时只需说一次就足够了. 'for ages' 交代了等很久的部分
- 中文有'坐满了人', 但用在英语时不可以直接翻
- 你想要表达的是外头的天气很糟，看不清楚前方的路，是吧？那是 'visibility is/was low'
- 'Suddenly' 是链接词, 通常会用在句子的开头
- 'speak bad language' 说坏话,不雅的话, 英语有个词叫'curse'
- '不管他们怎么劝…… 他都不听' 是中文的语法, 英语的要倒过来才正确.
- 'for there are almost student on the bus', 是中文的说法. (全都是学生)
- 那个女孩还坐在窗边, 所以是 ’sitting beside' 不是 ’sat beside‘
- 'roared' 已经有'loudly' and 'said'的意思了, 不用再加 'loudly' 和'said'
- 'rigid' 指的是僵硬, 在这里可用 'strong', 'firm', 'hard'来指牢固坚硬
- 'complain' 已经有 'said'的意思了, 不用再加 'said'
- 英语是没有"hard luck" 这个词的, 只有 'bad luck'
- 你忘了说他下车了 (alighted), 要不然他怎么去追另外一辆车?

有些部分(像 ‘Not only that , he was just standing at the door and it open !’)我不是很明白, 可能是因为你原来是从中文直接翻译的吧？ (: 加油了! ^^

勿抄袭! 谢谢!
别担心，我是受英文教育的，应该OK (:

Answer 3

Today,I’m going to tell you a ride experience I had some time ago.It was heart-stopped.
Two weeks ago, my little sister and I waited for buses together on the side of the road. We waited and waited for hours.Finally,the bus came,We shoved onto the bus with great effort. The seat on the bus had already been occupied by many people .(或 it was crowded on the bus.) We chatted as usual. As the weather was dull,rainy,and misty ,the bus was slowly . When the bus reached the crossroad, suddenly, a man rushed up and grabed the door aggressively.The driver had to stop and let him in. The man in khaki coat began to speak the bad language when he got on the bus. Not only that , he also just stood at the door as it was open ! No matter how hard driver and conductor tried to persuade him, he just wouldn't agree! At first, the conductor persuaded him with patience.But the man not only wouldn't close the door but threw out the conductor’s tickets book. The conductor was irritated and condemned the man’s action. The man’s anger was sparked by the condemnation. He shook the door vehemently as if to tear down it.Many parts of the door was dropped.Everyone was terrified and no one ventured to stop it,for most of the people on the bus were students. What is more,he snatched up an object and hitted the window forcefully.A girl sat beside the window was frightened into crying by his violence.Many students including my little sister also started to scream. The man roared very loudly :”Be quiet”!I knew I must act bravely,or my little sister would be more afraid.Fortunately,the windows was rigidly ,the man couldn’t broke the window and so he gave up. Then,the man started to complain, "I had waited for more than an hour!Is this the kind of good survice you give to me?I happened to have a bad mood today!You hard luck!” The car kept moving . By this time , the man ordered the driver to overrun the car in front. The driver obeyed him and did as he said. the man casted an object to that car. Our bus arrived at stop, the man ran toward that bus.The driver drove the bus off quickly.The conductor said,that we shouldn't have stopped to lift him before our car arrived the rossroad! Everybody on our bus was guessing what the man would do to that bus!

Answer 4

Today,I’m going to tell you an riding experience I had some time ago.It was heart-stopping.
Two weeks ago,my little sister and i were waiting for bus together on the side of the road. We waited and waited for ages.Finally,the bus comes,We shoved onto the bus with great effort. The seats on the bus have already been sat full of people .We chatted as usual. As the weather was dull,rainy,and misty ,the car was driven slowly . When the bus reached a crossroad,suddenly, a man rushed out and grabed the door aggressively.The driver had to stop and let him in. The man in khaki coat began to speak some bad words when he got on the bus. what's worse , he was just standing at the door and it opened ! No matter how hard driver and conductor tried to persuade him, he just wouldn't listen! At first, the conductor persuaded with patience.But the man not only wouldn't close the door but throw out the conductor’s ticket book. The conductor was irritated and condemned the man’s action. The man’s anger was sparked by the condemnation. He shook the door vehemently as if to tear it down.Many parts of the door dropped.Everyone was terrified and no one ventured to stop it him for there are almost students on the bus. What is more,he snatched up an object and hitted the window forcefully.A girl sat beside the window was frightened into crying by his vandelism.Many students including my little sister also started to scream. The man roared very loudly and said:”Be quiet”!I know I must acted bravely,or my little sister will be more afraid.Fortunately,the window was rigid ,the man couldn’t broke the window and gave it up. Then,the man started to complain,saying:”I had waited for more than an hour!Is this the kind of good service you give me?I happened to have a bad mood today!You hard luck!” The car kept moving . By this time , the man ordered the driver to overtake the car in front. The driver listened to him and did as he said. After overtaking,the man casted an object to that car. Our bus arrived at stoplight, the man ran toward that bus.The driver drove the bus off quickly.The conductor said,that bus was originally didn’t stop lift him before our car arrived crossroad! Everybody on our bus was guessing what the man would do to that bus!

Answer 5

好像全对