第1个回答 2012-02-28
Good day, everybody! It is really my great honor to have this opportunity to introduce myself here. I hope that I can make a good impression on you. My name is Zhang Bingjie, and I was born in Xingjiang, a remote place where I spent my happy childhood. In 2000, I graduated from ABC University, major in Chinese language and literature. Shortly after my graduation, I left my hometown and came to Shanghai. Thereafter, I started living on my own and learned to face the social pressure alone. 10 years, only a drop in the ocean of human history, makes me change from an innocent girl to a mature and independent woman. In these years, I’ve worked in several companies with different bosses and different colleagues, started as an office clerk and became a top manager finally. The industries that I’ve engaged in ranging from advertizing, manufacture to logistics. The last two companies that I’ve worked at belong to logistics industry. From 2005 to 2008, I served as General Manager’s assistant and later manager of management department in Shanghai ABC Company which is one of the most prestigious customs clearance agencies in Shanghai. During that time, I learned a great deal of knowledge in customs affairs. Based on these knowledge, a performance appraisal system for all levels of employees among the company had been designed and implemented. It turns out that the system is effective for improving work efficiency and quality. From 2008 to 2010, I worked as a project manager of logistics department in YN Ltd. There, my key tasks are to Supervise and control the whole process of logistics project, ranging from booking, picking up goods, ocean shipping/sea transportation, customs clearance, transportation by land or rail to final delivery. As a result, I got much practical experience of logistics operation. Moreover, during 2005 and 2008, I completed all the self-study courses on English language and literature in Shanghai International Studies University and got the second bachelor’s degree.
In 2010, I got a baby girl and then quit the job. Now, I am a happy mother and a satisfied wife. But I also need to have my own career. So, I’m here now. Before I close, something I must say is, sometimes youth has nothing to do with age, because youth is a kind of mind-set and spirit. Often, ability has nothing to do with diploma, because ability increases in practice. I’m the one with positive attitude and rich experience. Please give my application materials a serious consideration and then give me a chance, I’m sure I will give you a surprise in return.
Thank you very much!
第2个回答 2012-02-27
Hello (good day 用法不常见） everybody! It is really a great honor to have this opportunity TO(for 搭配不符）introducing myself here. I hope I can make a good impression for( 固定搭配） you.
My name is Zhang Bingjie. I was born in Xingjiang, a remote place where I spent my happy childhood ，In 2000, I graduated from ABC University, majorED in Chinese language and literature. Shortly after my graduation, I left my hometown and came to Shanghai. Thereafter, I started to live on my own and learned to face the social pressure alone.
10 years, only a drop in the ocean of human history（A drop of water in the history of mankind
参考）, make（不知道这里的时态对不对，我认为s去掉） me from an innocent girl to a mature and independent woman. In these years, I’ve worked in several companies with different bosses and different colleagues, started as an office clerk and became a top manager finally. The industries that I’ve engaged in ranging from advertizing, manufacture to logistics. The last two companies （我认为which） I’ve worked for belong去掉s to logistics industry. From 2005 to 2008, I served as General Manager’s assistant and later manager of management department in Shanghai ABC Company which is one of the most prestigious customs clearance agencies in Shanghai. During the time, I learned a great deal of knowledge in customs affairs. Based on these knowledge, A performance appraisal system for all level employees among the company had been designed and implemented. It turns out that the system is effective for improving work efficiency and quality. From 2008 to 2010, I worked as a project manager of logistics department in YN Ltd. There, my key（main） tasks is（are） to Supervise and control the whole process（es） of logistics project, ranging from booking, picking up goods, ocean shipping/sea transportation, customs clearance, transportation by land or rail to final delivery. As a result, I got much practical experience of logistics operation. Moreover, during 2005 and 2008, I completed all the self-study courses on English language and literature in Shanghai International Studies University and got the second bachelor’s degree.
In 2010, I got a baby girl and then quitED the job. Now, I am a happy mother and a satisfied wife. But I also need to have my own career. So, I’m here now.
Before I close, something I must say is(ARE), sometimes youth has nothing to do with age, because youth is a kind of mind-set and spirit. Often, ability(CAPACITY,工参考） has nothing to do with diploma, because ability increases in practice. I’m the one with positive attitude and rich experience. Please give my application materials a serious consideration （我认为 put my application into consideration 也差不多）and then give me a chance, I’m sure I will give you a surprise in return.
Thank you very much!
不好意思，是你要求改的，我就看了一边，觉得你的经历还是很丰富的。你写的很好啊。呵呵。
第3个回答 2012-02-27
(1)have this opportunity to introduce myself here
(2) give you a good impression.但我觉得这条内容不好,表达的清楚,自然给人印象好,不需要强调
(3) majored in Chinese language
(4)live on my own and learned to face social pressure alone,感觉这个句子不太适合, start my career and learned to how to survive in competitve society 个人意见
(5) 第3段落组织不好,没什么连贯性, 呵呵纯粹个人意见
(6)爱好什么,可以涉及点本回答被提问者采纳